"How are you?"
I don't like this question, at least when directed toward myself. I'm never too sure how to answer it. It could mean anything, really. "How are you feeling?" "How are you getting to work this morning?" "How are you painting the duck's arse with a pellet gun?" Everyone just interprets it as the first suggestion.
I wonder when people started dropping the extra word at the end of the question. And how it came about, exactly. Was someone just walking along one day when they happened upon someone the knew? And from there out began conversation, only to be interrupted at "How are you-" by someone emptying their chamber pot out the window, or by a horse relieving himself on this person's shoe. Once the commotion had subsided, the recognized person started up again with, "How am I? Well I suppose you mean 'How am I fairing?' Yes? Well, if you must know, my daughter has just run away with a TRADESMAN. Awful fellow. Quite the likes of which I've ne- Oh shite, I shan't be telling you this. The Misses will have a fit. Don't tell a soul."
You get my drift. It seems possible. Sometimes I wish to know what it would be like to live then. With the Bennetts of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, perhaps? Or with Jane Eyre, at her school, as wretched as the place was. I believe I would much prefer Longbo- I'm shutting up now. Where was I?
Sometimes I can answer those three words honestly. A simple "Good" or "Great" or "Bloody fantastic, actually." Sometimes these answers aren't so simple, and have quite a lovely story behind them. Other times, I'm just feeling uplifted for no reason whatsoever. On the other hand, it can be more difficult to respond. Be it because I honestly don't know the answer, because I'd rather not acknowledge it, or because I wish to not speak of it. Whatever the case may be, I end up feeling awkward, or defensive, or like I'm about to break. These moods can be for no reason as well. Just, out of the blue I feel miserable, or I felt like it when I woke up, or I've just had a bad day. However, they also can have a story behind them. No matter the reason, people are curious and nosy creatures, many of whom have no care for a person's privacy. I understand if you're simply curious, or genuinely concerned, but if I don't wish to tell you, then that's that. The matter should not be argued, unless I've hinted at wanting to talk about it. If I happen to not lie to you, upon hearing "How are you?" and being in an off state, then it tends to be for the sole purpose of NOT LYING. On the off chance I actually want to talk about it, I'll make it known. Everyone is so up themselves about being honest, yet when I do it on certain matters, I am berated. But then when I lie about how I'm feeling, and whoever I've lied to discovers the truth, they get brassed off again!
I don't even know anymore. Sometimes I am actually feeling fine, but then I get that.. Ominous feeling that something is going to do a 360 on me, and completely bugger up again. And it usually happens. It can be for the better, even though the experience is terrible. Or it's horrid all around. Other times, it's just crap. I won't even go there.I think I've begun to lose the spark I had when I started writing this. I hate that. It just comes and goes as it pleases. That could really mess up my career.
Your mood is not based on the event or moment or what have you that has transpired, but on the way you view it. Your perspective.
I'd like to believe that more often. But I suppose when you've reached the stage I have, it's not as easy as it once was, eh?
